What do you need?
Do you ever ask yourself 'What do I need'? Not, what do I want, or what do I think I need, but really take the time to tune into yourself. Allowing yourself to get past those initial 'shoulds' and 'coulds' influenced by wider society and your unique earlier life experiences.
I know I have gotten better at it over the years. However, to be honest, it probably wasn't until well into my Clinical Psychology training that I started to figure out what my needs as a human being really are, never mind actually tuning into what I really needed and when. I don’t think the latter is a journey that ever ends, but it is definitely one that we can improve upon and fine tune.
One way to start this process is to learn a little about what research has shown our needs to be as human beings. Five core childhood needs outlined in Schema Therapy provide a really lovely overview of what is vitally important for us all, as children and as adults.
The need for secure attachment, comfort, nurture and care.
The need for autonomy and encouragement, of competence and our own sense of identity.
The need for spontaneity, playfulness, exploration and adventure, and room for creativity and imagination.
The need for realistic limits and control, boundaries and the taking responsibility of our actions.
The need for the freedom to explore and express our emotions and needs.
To what degree are these needs being met in your life right now? Think about your life, your relationships, and above all, your relationship with yourself.
How were they met when you were younger? Our needs are never met perfectly as children. We are human beings being raised by human beings after all. It is not necessarily about blaming your parents (although, it is OK to feel angry too), but it is important to think about how your unmet needs may have impacted you. Whilst also letting yourself feel some of the vulnerability you felt at such a formative time of your life. By connecting with this vulnerable part of yourself you can truly move forward to being able to meet your vulnerable child’s needs during adulthood.
Big questions/reflections I know. Take your time with them.
Schema Therapy can help with this process.
Reach out for a FREE 20 minute Discovery Call to learn more.
Kristine